#o

Now,I'm no scientist,but I know what endorphins are. They're tiny little magical elves that swim through your blood stream and tell funny jokes to each other. When they reach your brain,you hear what they're saying and that boosts your health and happiness. "Knock Knock... Who's There?.. Little endorphin... Little endorphin who?... Little Endorphin Annie." And then the endorphins laugh and then you laugh. See? Its Science. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#science #funny

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#internet #love #valentines-day #funny

Alright, manly man,” he says. “Go prove that you’re a man. ↗

— Jessica Sorensen

#jessica-sorensen #kayden-and-seth #manly-man #funny

Me: “Ngh” Cal: “Well put.” ...... Every Boy's Got One ↗

— Meg Cabot

#funny

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #funny

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. ↗

— Johnny Carson

#entertainment #funny #hollywood #humor #insanity

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties. ↗

— Fran Lebowitz

#humour #funny

This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us. ↗

— Jim Benton

#funny #maniac #psycho #running #vampire

I want to write a book called, "Ten Steps to Asexuality." Of course, I recommend all those steps be taken in Birkenstock sandals. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#book #funny #write #funny

Rather than waste a whole day, I would rather spend it counting to 86,400. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#waste-of-time #funny