#of

As long as you are wearing a hat made out of shingles, you’ll always have a roof over your head. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#hat #roof #funny

Funny how a little sleep, a little makeup, and a lot of contemplating can make you feel like a different person - a stronger version of yourself. ↗

— Anna Banks

#of-poseidon #quote #funny

Milo refreshed Rae's drink and said, Talk to her. You need to get it off your chest." Then Milo turned to me and said, "Why don't you try a more subtle approach." "I demand you tell me your troubles," I said to my sister. "You're not as funny as you think you are," Rae replied. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#lisa-lutz #funny

Propping the mirror against the wall near the door, he waved a hand at it and clipped, "Drustan: Cian MacKeltar. Cian: Drustan MacKeltar." "Dageus," Drustan's voice was soft as velvet, never a good sign, "why are you introducing me to a mirror? ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#dageus #drustan #funny #highlander #karen-marie-moning

I hope something happens. I'm restless as the devil and have a horror of getting fat or falling in love and growing domestic. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#love

Tim and Raine are coming in." "Are they insane?" "Apparently. ↗

— Susan Bischoff

#chronicles #curfew #funny #heroes #susan

The perfect vehicle to take to the moon would be a two-door Saturn with a sunroof. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #moon #saturn #sunroof #vehicle

Stand out from the crowd, be yourself. ↗

— Stephen Richards

#cosmic-ordering #law-of-attraction #mind-body-spirit #mind-power #money

Everyone now knows how to find the meaning of life within himself. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#life

RULES OF LYING: 1. Figure out your lie before you open your mouth. 2. Play on your opponent's sympathies and weaknesses 3. Dance around the lie with distracting truth. They're far more convincing. 4. Picture the lie in your head as if it were the truth. They want to see how it's coming up. 5. Never forget which is the lie and which is the truth. 6. If you say something that brings you trouble, pretend that was actually the lie. Lie and say you were joking before, and aren't you funny? It's a quick escape from a sticky situation. It's the liars trapdoor. 7. Avoid it if at all possible. 8. Keep up your poker face. Never have a "tell" or a physical gesture that will give yourself away and let your opponent know your bluffing. ↗

— Kristin Walker

#funny