#ole

If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked. ↗

— George Carlin

#kids #parenting #role-models #humor

Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa," intoned Opal, finishing her chant. "Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#fun #humor #revenge #violence #forgiveness

Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous #solemnity #humor

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#gender #humor #masculinity #romance #romance-novels

I don't want unnecessary violence, sergeant," said Blouse. "Right you are, sir!" said the sergeant. "Carborundum! First man comes through that door runnin', I want him nailed to the wall!" He caught the lieutenant's eye, and added: "But not too hard! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#military #violence #humor

Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love but to use violence to get what they want. ↗

— Mother Teresa

#love #selfishness #usa #violence #love

Your Excellency, I have no need of this hypothesis. ↗

— Pierre Laplace

#atheist #god #humor #mathematics #napoleon

I think it would be cool if we wore suits while we committed these violent acts of retribution. Not fancy suits. No. Cheap suits that we won't mind ruining. Then if we're caught by the police, well, think how amazing we'll look! All bloody and torn and grizzled. Plus, suits look official. They would add an air of credibility to our campaign of blood drenched disproportionate responses. ↗

— Joey Comeau

#violence #humor

Be nice. And if you can't do that, just don't be mean. ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#love #nice #richelle #richelle-goodrich #self-control

Americans invented adolescence. It is not a natural phenomenon. Adolescence is a social construct, created by an urban-industrial society that keeps its young at home far past puberty. Teenage angst is a luxury if a successful modern human conceit that isn't condoned by our superior species. ↗

— Sarah Beth Durst

#angst #humour #love