#on

When I see the best of myself in others, it makes a good first impression. ↗

I don't believe in the idea of six degrees of separation - cronyism is unethical. ↗

Spontaneous abortion: the opposite of immaculate conception. God has compensated for Christianity’s violent history by revealing that innocent blood does not have to be spilt. ↗

— Bauvard

#conception #funny #god #humor #funny

Didn't you finish your chemistry in school?" "You closed the school and burnt all the books." "Ah, so I did. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#funny #monsters-of-men #funny

Breaking into the house in the middle of the night just wasn't his style. He did his best work in plain view, and, usually, his tongue was doing most of it. Now that was an interesting thought. Heh. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #ilona-andrews #kaldar #the-edge #tongue

A forest," William said, his expression distant. "Where the ground is dry soil and stone. Where tall trees grow and centuries of autumn carpet their roots. Where the wind smells of game and wildflowers." "Why, that was lovely, Lord Bill. Do you ever write poetry? Something for your blueblood lady?" "No." "She doesn't like poetry?" "Leave it." Hehe. "Oh, so you have a lady. How interes-- ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #funny #ilona-andrews #the-edge #william

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin ↗

— Bill Watterson

#calvin #calvin-and-hobbes #funny #song #funny

He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable ↗

— Emma Goldrick

#funny #goldrick #harlequin-special-edition #hero #humor

Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #fate-s-edge #funny #ilona-andrews #the-edge

I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had out. ↗