#on

And now Kit’s cock—which had mostly been used for taking a leak before that moment—woke up and screamed I WANT! FEED ME ASSHOLE! And Kit had given it a good handshake until it threw up. ↗

— Amy Lane

#masturbation #nsfw #humor

Have you ever noticed that folks will say ‘Look, he has his mama’s eyes’ or ‘his daddy’s nose,’ but they never say ‘We’re so proud! Look! He’s hung just like grampa’?” - Zach McKnight ↗

— Suzie Quint

#humor

I killed my clone. It’s not murder, it’s partial suicide. I want a stiff drink, but not alcohol. I want formaldehyde. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #murder #humor

I want to write a song about one man's level of commitment called, "I'd walk to the edge of the world, just to dump your body. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #music #song #humor

Young people, however, tend to ignore the customs of their elders. Adolescent rebellion has been responsible for all manner of absurd costumes. The more ridiculous a certain fashion is, the more adolescents will cling to it. ↗

— David Eddings

#fashion #humor #humor

It's never too late to start over! ↗

— Lynne Gentry

#inspirational #starting-over #widows #women-s-fiction #humor

Cartooning is preaching. And I think we have a right to do some preaching. I hate shallow humor. I hate shallow religious humor, I hate shallow sports humor, I hate shallowness of any kind. ↗

— Charles M. Schulz

#cartoons #humor #preaching #shallow #shallowness

Why don’t you purchase an Italian dictionary? I will assume the expense.” “I have one,” she said, “but I don’t think it’s very good. Half the words are missing.” “Half?” “Well, some,” she amended. “But truly, that’s not the problem.” He blinked, waiting for her to continue. She did. Of course. “I don’t think Italian is the author’s native tongue,” she said. “The author of the dictionary?” he queried. “Yes. It’s not terribly idiomatic. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#dictionary #humor #italian #humor

Humanity was a passing notion to him; something he liked to try on for size and model in the dressing room, but never actually felt compelled to buy. ↗

— Jane Bled

#author #dark #ebook #glbt #humor

Michael: Barzini will set me up through somebody close... that, supposedly, I won't suspect. Hagen: Somebody like me. Michael: You're Irish, they won't trust you. Hagen: I'm German-American. Michael: To them that's Irish. ↗

— Mario Puzo

#michael-corleone #the-godfather #tom-hagen #humor