#or

I really would like to know how you managed to snag that one,” she adds, watching Isaac approach us from the parking lot. “Does he have a brother? Seriously -- I’ll take his second cousin. ↗

— J.A. Redmerski

#humor

After that, he tried to go upstairs through the broom cupboard, and then the yard. This seemed to puzzle him a little. But finally he discovered the stairs, all except the bottom on, and fell up them on his face. The whole castle shook. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#howl #howl-s-moving-castle #humor #magic #sophie-hatter

They say a woman's loyalty only lasts as long as it takes her to hang up and dial again. ↗

— Kim Gatlin

#irony #loyalty #woman #humor

Godshawk looked surprised, the way that people generally do when you ask them philosophical questions in shrubberies in the middle of the night. ↗

— Philip Reeve

#philosophy #shrubbery #humor

Loop, you shot him in the head... Fuck yeah he dead. ↗

— Brian Azzarello

#humor #humor

Fred coughed, which caused Sam and Ellie to look over at her. “Hey, Ellie. Watch this.” Mentally apologizing to her oldest friend, Fred seized Jonas by the shirt collar and heaved him out of his chair and through the (fortunately open) sliding door. Jonas was densely built (“Deliciously so,” Dr. Barb might have said over the sound of Fred’s retching), but no match for Fred’s hybrid strength, and the air velocity he achieved was really quite something. Fred ignored his wail (“My sundaeeee!”), which became easier to do the fainter it got. ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#sundae #throwing-friends-out-doors #tossing #humor

They went inside. The young ones shuffled to a stop as their ironic sensibilities, which served them in lieu of souls, were jammed by a signal of overwhelming power. ↗

— Neal Stephenson

#generations #humor #humor

I can't even say 'hair pie,'' I told him, 'unless I'm talking about an actual pie made out of rabbits.... ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#humor

What happened, then? You're stomping through every puddle you can find and look like you're going to punch the first person you see." "Why are you hanging around, then? Aren't you worried about getting hit?" "Aw, you'd never hurt me. My face is too pretty ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny

ago." Hrathen paused for a moment: then he repeated his introductory nod and spun around, his cloak billowing dramatically as he stalked toward the door. Sarene's prayers were not answered, however—he didn't step on it and trip himself. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor