#or

Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't. ↗

— Jane Seabrook

#inspirational #humor

Why do humans never do as they're told? Someone should replace you all with robots. No, on second though, they shouldn't, bad idea. ↗

— Jonathan Morris

#doctor-who #humor #science-fiction #humor

Hunters will tell you that a moose is a wily and ferocious forest creature. Nonsense. A moose is a cow drawn by a three-year-old. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#nature #travel-writing #humor

I see Atheists are fighting and killing each other again, over who doesn't believe in any God the most. Oh, no..wait.. that never happens. ↗

— Ricky Gervais

#humor #humor

At the end of the warehouse was a dais constructed from pallets of books: stack of vampire novels, walls of James Patterson thrillers, and a throne from about a thousand copies of something called The Five Habits of Highly Aggressive Women. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#heroes-of-olympus #humor #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #the-son-of-neptune #humor

Remember, people, study the rule sheet. Snuggle it at night, eat lunch with it, take it to the movies. It's the only way you're passing my class," Mr. Pinner calls over the bustle of students herding out the door. ↗

— Anna Banks

#humor

I know a lot about birds and bees, but I don't know very much about the birds and the bees. Everything I do know I had to teach myself on the Internet, because I don't have anyone to ask. For example, I know that you give someone a blowjob by putting your penis in their mouth. ↗

— Jonathan Safran Foer

#sex #humor

In defiance of Miss Maccalariat I'd like to commit hanky-panky with you, Miss Adora Belle Dearheart... well, certainly hanky, and possibly panky when we get to know one another better. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#love #humor

This morning I took out a comma and this afternoon I put it back again. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#writing #humor

Because no man wants to be a coward in front of a cheese. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor