#or

I said hello to the poodle. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#mythology #pets #humor

This is very important -- to take leisure time. Pace is the essence. Without stopping entirely and doing nothing at all for great periods, you're gonna lose everything...just to do nothing at all, very, very important. And how many people do this in modern society? Very few. That's why they're all totally mad, frustrated, angry and hateful. ↗

— Charles Bukowski

#humor

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#superstition #humor

Alas! Earwax! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #humor

A gun. I had been brought down by a gun. It was practically comical. Cheaters, I thought. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#rose-hathaway #humor

As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...] ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#politeness #humor

I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It's so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn't have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor

I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #sarcasm #humor

How did you become blind, uh, Jeff is it?" Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always tell you not to. If only I had listened. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor

Q: You'er presented with a smooth-faced, eight-foot-high wooden wall. Your objective? Get over it. To, like, save comrades or something. How to accomplish this? A: Take a running start, brace one foot against the wall, throw one hand to the top, try to hang on long enough for a comrade to either grab your hand at the top or for another comrade to push your butt up from below. It takes team work! BKA (bird kid answer): Or you could just, like, fly over it. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #maxride #humor