#or

Punctuation, is? fun! ↗

— Daniel Keyes

#punctuation #humor

Stop smiling. Every time you smile, an angel dies. ↗

— Kristan Higgins

#humour #smiling #humor

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. ↗

— Erma Bombeck

#housekeeping #humor #humor

On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#birthday #clone #funny #humor #funny

Ninth graders with machine guns: its hard to make that a happy story. ↗

— Michael Grant

#humor

Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body. ↗

— George Carlin

#fitness #humor #humor

Purple light passed over the paper, but nothing happened. "Next!" Amy said. She was sure the man in black was going to burst in on them any second. "Whoa!" Dan said. Amy gripped his arm. "You found it?" "No, but look! This whole essay - 'To the Royal Academy.' He wrote a whole essay on farts!" Dan grinned with delight. "He's proposing a scientific study on different fart smells. You're right, Amy. This guy was a genius! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#ben-franklin #dan-cahill #essay #fart #humor

When did you suddenly become Mister Maturity? ↗

— Michael Buckley

#humor #humor

You guys are ridiculous," he says, retreating back to the kitchen. "Your flirting just scared the hell out of me." "Scared the hell out of me too. ↗

— Pittacus Lore

#sam-goode #humor

Alec raised his blue eyes."Whos Will?" Magnus exhled a sort laugh."Will.Dear God.That was a long time ago.Will was a Shadowhunter,like you.And yes,he did look like you,but your nothing like him.Jace is much more the way Will was,in personality at least-and my relationship with you is nothing like the one I had with Will.Is that whats bothering you?" "I dont like thinking your only with me because I look like so dead guy you liked. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor