#or

A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chocolate #funny #humor #kiss #melt

Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?' 'No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#funny #muggles #funny

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. ↗

— George Bernard Shaw

#truth #funny

One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides.  ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #piggyback #piggyback-rides #funny

Shane looked…pale. Pale and shaken and—how predictable was this?—pissed. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#morganville-vampires #shane-collins #funny

I might appear confident and chatty, but I spend most of my time laughing at jokes I don't find funny, saying things I don't really mean - because at the end of the day that's what we're all trying to do: fit in, one way or another, desperately trying to pretend we're all the same. ↗

— Tabitha Suzuma

#forbidden #love #pretention #tabitha-suzuma #funny

She was an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet, sexy idiot. ↗

— Sarah Mayberry

#funny #humour #romance #funny

I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #smile #wink #funny

I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #insurance #on-quotes #oscar-wilde #quote

I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half. ↗