#or

Nick spoke for the first time. "Can I go to the nurse's office too?" Ms. Popplewell looked at him It obviously took her only one look to decide. "No." "I'm traumatized too," Nick claimed, his voice completely flat. "He's a delicate flower," Alan said under his breath. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#young-adult #humor

Just like credit card companies, or those student loan people. Now there's evil for you. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Louis-Cesare slowly pulled himself into a half-standing position against the side of the winery.'What? Did you think one little mage was going to do me in?' He swallowed hard. 'Hell, that was just a warm-up. ↗

— Karen Chance

#damphir #dorina #fiction #humor #mage

Was this some new level of depravity? Had he developed a spinster fetish? ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #romance #humor

I have learned that particularly clever ideas do not always stand up under close scrutiny. ↗

— Elizabeth Peters

#ideas #scrutiny #humor

No wonder men got impervious to superficial pain, I thought. It came from this habit of hammering each other incessantly. ↗

— Diana Gabaldon

#humor

‎I have panicked unnecessarily in all four corners of the globe. ↗

— Jon Ronson

#humorous #travel #humor

It's not that the Democrats are playing checkers and the Republicans are playing chess. It's that the Republicans are playing chess and the Democrats are in the nurse's office because once again they glued their balls to their thighs. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#politics #humor

Vishous: "...we both would slaughter anything that so much as startled you." Jane: "I'm scared of mice and spiders. But you don't need to use that gun on your hip to blow a hole in a wall if I ran into one, okay? Havaheart traps and rolled newspapers work just as well. Plus, you don't need a Sheetrock patch and plaster job afterward. I'm just saying. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

There's a club, if you'd like to go You could meet somebody who really loves you.' So you go, and you stand on your own And you leave on your own And you go home, and you cry And you want to die. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor