#or

Everything‟s fine,” I said, with a tight smile. “Kiyo was just giving me his latest explanation about how my son is a terror to be feared.” Dorian scoffed. “Little Thundro? A terror? Hardly, unless perhaps we‟re discussing diapers. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

There ain't a man in the world cares about a woman's past until he's thinking of her in his future. ↗

— Dru Pagliassotti

#future #humor #past #reputation #romance

When Charles Darwin published On the Origin of Species in 1859, he exposed the world to a momentous discovery . For the first time in history, human beings were seen not as creatures of divine origin, but instead, as a product of nature, an animal like every other on the planet. Imagine yourself back in that amazing year. The day before Darwin’s book was published, you wake up thinking yourself the image of God; the next morning you realize you have the face of a monkey. Not everybody immediately embraced this rude demotion from god to goat. ↗

— Jeff Schweitzer

#morality #religion #imagination

When the light at Vernon turned green, we stepped into the street and George grabbed my hand and the ghosts of our younger selves crossed with us. ↗

— Aimee Bender

#memory #past #youth #love

A little nonsense now and then is cherished by the wisest men. ↗

— Willy Wonka

#nonsense #humor

Don't live like there's no tomorrow, that's stupid. But live your life like it's a story that you would want to tell someone else. A little fun, a little exciting, a little sexy, and always off key. ↗

— Phillip Defranco

#inspirational #humor

He didn’t want to be married! And what the hell did a ‘bottom’ husband do, anyway? Was it like…like a housewife or something? Was he supposed to cook and clean and shit like that?? “I HATE cleaning! I don’t wanna be married; I wanna go back to being a whore!!!! ↗

— Twisted Hilarity

#humor

Are you a vegetarian?' I ask, based on the evidence in front of me. She nods. 'Why?' 'Because I have this theory that when we die, every animal that we've eaten has a chance at eating us back. So if you're a carnivore and you add up all the animals you've eaten--well, that's a long time in purgatory, being chewed.' 'Really?' She laughs. 'No. I'm just sick of the question. I mean, I'm a vegetarian because I think it's wrong to eat other sentient creatures. And it sucks for the environment. ↗

— David Levithan

#vegetarian #humor

Besides, when I look around me at the men, I feel that God never meant us women to be too particular. ↗

— Marie Jenney Howe

#women #humor

A compliment would be the last thing out of my mouth to a man who was so pigheaded that he could be served at a luau. ↗

— Katie MacAlister

#humor