#or

Thomas has the kind of whiter-than-white boyish grin that makes women's panties spontaneously evaporate. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments. ↗

— Noel Fielding

#jokes #humor

If you took a cracked pot and you cracked that cracked pot, you'd be approaching the level of cracked pottery we are talking about here. ↗

— Rachel Maddow

#humor

You can't beat me. I have the mind of a warlock with adonis DNA. Winning! ↗

— Charlie Sheen

#humor

She just shook her head and pulled out a small bottle of some random pop star's signature perfume, spritzing me with the sickly-sweet smell. "Oh, come on Ash, that smells like a unicorn fart," I cried, recoiling at the overpowering, candylike smell. ↗

— Cara Lynn Shultz

#humor

I vill destroy de snickers bar!" Gazzy(The Gas Man) ↗

— James Patterson

#humor

That morning she pours Teacher's over my belly and licks it off. That afternoon she tries to jump out the window. ↗

— Raymond Carver

#humor

...Opal is dead, and I don't see how a healer can change that! It's not something to joke about." Joke?" Then Owen hit his forehead and cried, "That's right, you haven't heard!" Heard what?" asked Adrien, who felt an insane glimmer of hope return to his heart. Death is on strike! She hasn't done that for two centuries, and it's very annoying. Your friend is alive." Very annoying?" repeated Amber. "I don't see what's so annoying about a miracle! What is Death on strike for?" Everyone knows that Death lives in Fairytale-in an inaccessible area, obviously. And just a few hours ago, she decided to stop working. So, for now, no one can die. ↗

— Flavia Bujor

#fantasy #humor #miracle #change

As a dancer, I out-Fred the nimblest Astaire. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#wodehouse #humor

To those who care about punctuation, a sentence such as "Thank God its Friday" (without the apostrophe) rouses feelings not only of despair but of violence. The confusion of the possessive "its" (no apostrophe) with the contractive "it's" (with apostrophe) is an unequivocal signal of illiteracy and sets off a Pavlovian "kill" response in the average stickler. ↗

— Lynne Truss

#humor #punctuation #writing #humor