#or

I wondered what he would have thought if he'd known that I'd gleaned most of my information from reading historical romance novels. ↗

— Nicole Luiken

#humor #wit #humor

Thomas Bowman's toupee, alas, was never found. He was somewhat mollified by the gift of a very fine hat from Westcliff on Christmas day. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#toupee #humor

Don't be humble. Your not that great. ↗

— Golda Meir

#inspirational #humor

Well, what I don't understand is why people get all dressed up and drive to church so they can sit there and get scolded. Seems to me it'd be a whole lot easier for the to just stay home in their pj's, eat pancakes, and get yelled at over the radion. ↗

— Beth Hoffman

#religion #humor

Don't worry about it; only worry about how people like her breed. ↗

— Gasmaskman

#humor #sarcasm #witty #humor

A weapon based on Time . . ." mused Viktor Mulciber. "Well, why not? The one force no one knows how to defeat, resist, or reverse. It kills all forms of life sooner or later. With a Time-weapon you could become the most feared person in history." "I'd rather be loved," said Root. Mulciber shrugged. "You're young. ↗

— Thomas Pynchon

#humor

The embarrassing thing is that my salad dressing is out-grossing my films. ↗

— Paul Newman

#humor

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs. ↗

— David Daye

#humor #humor

Punning is a talent which no man affects to despise but he that is without it. ↗

— Jonathan Swift

#puns #humor

Luck was a joke. Even good luck was just bad luck with its hair combed. ↗