#or

We were encouraged to propose safetyprevention suggestions, and write them all down— locking doors, walking or exercising with a friend, wearing shoes that don’t hinder running. Erin’s suggestion of “Avoid assholes” was popular. ↗

— Tammara Webber

#girl-power #humorous #self-defense #humor

Royce nodded. “Invest in crossbows. Next time stay hidden and just put a couple bolts into each of your target’s chests. All this talking is just stupid.” “Royce!” Hadrian admonished. “What? You’re always saying I should be nicer to people. I’m trying to be helpful. ↗

— Michael J. Sullivan

#humor

Still enmeshed from the knees down, Vayl flopped off the cabinet before we realized he needed a hand down, falling fast and hard like a penguin who hasn't bought the whole flightless scenario. ↗

— Jennifer Rardin

#humor

If this keeps up, we’re going to own Melengar,” Hadrian mentioned. “What’s this we stuff?” Royce asked. “You’re retired, remember?” “Oh? So you’ll be leading the Nationalist advance, will you?” “Sixty-forty?” Royce proposed. ↗

— Michael J. Sullivan

#humor

Tact: the ability to tell a man he's open-minded when he has a hole in his head. ↗

— F. G. Kernan

#humour #tact #humor

A lesser moustache, under the impact of that quick, agonised expulsion of breath, would have worked loose at the roots. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor

We're all secretly idiots inside. ↗

— -Sadiya

#humor

Teachers're always using that "in your own words." I hate that. Authors knit their sentences tight. It's their job. Why make us unpick them, just to put it back together more shonkily? How're you s'posed to say Kapellmeister if you can't say Kapellmeister? ↗

— David Mitchell

#school #truth #humor

Chocolate, coffee, and ice cream were far more reliable when it came to providing a good time, and at least they would never disappoint me. ↗

— Keri Arthur

#men #humor

Teagan: How long has it been since you read a book that didn’t havevampires in it? Abby: They write books with no vampires? Wait...the penguins made us read that Shakesrear guy, right? Teagan: Shakespeare. ↗

— Kersten Hamilton

#shakespeare #vampires #humor