#or

I'm a big boy. I can take it. You got into a fight. I'm also stupid. ↗

— Joss Stirling

#humor

مصر التي اعرفهااحبها في السر وانقدها في العلن تقف مصلوبة الدهررغم ا(الأتب) ↗

— محمد فتحي

#humor

There was [really] little difference between someone acting throwing french fries in your face and someone throwing french fries in your face. ↗

— Russell Brand

#humor

And since she drove to work every morning, I could only use the car on weekends. Well, weekends and the middle of the goddamned night. ↗

— John Green

#humor

Do what? Come up with a clever pun referencing Jerome's demonic status? The truth is, I usually keep a stash of them on hand and— ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor

We got boobies!" the kid me said, gawking at my chest. "I'm really glad we got boobies. Finally. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#humor

Jared lunged forward, away from me. With a loud smacking sound, his fist hit Kyle's face. Kyle's eyes rolled back in his head, and his mouth fell slack. The room was very quiet for a few seconds. "Um," Doc said in a mild voice, "medically speaking, I'm not sure that was the most helpful thing for his condition." "But I feel better," Jared answered (Host) ↗

— Stephanie Meyer

#funny

knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it into the fruit salad. ↗

— Caroline Hutton

#humor

My dad had once told me, crimson-red deep in “the talk,” that with sons, all he had to worry about was one penis, but with a daughter, he had to worry about everyone else’s. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#parents-and-children #the-sex-talk #humor

I need to be casual but not too casual. Dressy but not too dressy. I need him to think I just threw on the first thing I found and that I'm not taking this too seriously or overthinking it or even that I was thinking about it at all. Because I'm not. I'm totally not thinking about him, and I don't want him to think I was thinking about him, but I don't want him to think that I'm not thinking about him, because clearly he thought about me enough to ask me out and it would be mean not to be thinking about him at all, so I need just the right amount of thinking, and I'm not sure if that means boots and a skirt or skinny jeans and ballet flats. Help! ↗

— Gemma Halliday

#truth #humor