#or

Men are men, mortal or not. ↗

— K.C. Randall

#humor-relationships #humor

When life gives you lemons...throw the lemons at people..it's hilarious! ↗

— Jayce O'Neal

#humor #jayce #jayceoneal #humor

The mountebank told them that God was surely trying to kill them, possibly because He was through with them, and that they should have the good manners to die. This, as you can see, they did. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#mock-biography #science-fiction #humor

I have been to the speed of God, sir...and I discommend it. ↗

— John Ringo

#humor #micheal-o-neil #science-fiction #humor

If life is what you make it then make mine like my eggs, over easy. ↗

— Matthew Benoit

#life #humor

Arrogance in computer science is measured in nano-Dijkstras. ↗

— Alan Kay

#humor

Wow. Who would want a fish for a pet when they could have a turtle?! ↗

— Christopher Paul Curtis

#true-to-life #humor

What Jeremy likes about showers is the way you can stand there, surrounded by water and yet in absolutely no danger of drowning, and not think about things like whether you fucked up on the Spanish assignment, or why your mother is looking so worried. ↗

— Kelly Link

#humor

When the girl sitting at the next table looked away from a moment, Dirk leaned over and took her coffee. He knew that he was perfectly safe doing this because she would simply not be able to believe that this had happened. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

When they reached the stairs, he didn’t make her climb them herself. He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the big bathroom off their bedroom. He didn’t speak, his expression didn’t soften. But he was hard. His cock was like a poker, steely and hot against her hip. His eyes blazed with lust. ↗

— Lora Leigh

#lust #poker #sex #humor