#or

Ack!" I said. Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that's me. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #wit

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#beards #children #dada #funny #funny-quotes

Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. ↗

— Oliver Goldsmith

#humor #lies #questions #sarcasm #wit

I like to spoon after I fork. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fork #funny #humor #spoon #witty

The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. ↗

— H.L. Mencken

#humor #old #wisdom #age

Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said. 'One can't believe impossible things.' I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen. 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the shawl again! ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#breakfast #humor #impossible #age

It’s a comforting thought knowing that no matter how old I get, I can always get older. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#comforting-thought #getting-older #age

You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#aliens #extra-terrestrial #flies #fly #flying

I wanted to tell her “I love you” back, but I guess in waiting for the perfect moment (the next commercial break), I ended up completely forgetting. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #insensitive #love #age

You'd be surprised how many people in the modern age no longer fear zombies as much as teletubies. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#age