#or

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. ↗

— Ray Romano

#humor #parenting #humor

I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#grandmother #humor #silly #table-dancing #funny

Men are all the same, they think that because they came out of the belly of a woman they know all there is to know about women. ↗

— José Saramago

#humor

I can't abide people who go soft over animals and then cheat every human they come across! ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#cheat #humor #people #humor

Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it." "Evvy and I have an understanding." She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. "She tells me the truth, and I don't hang her in the first well we come to. It's a solution that works tolerably well for both of us. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humor

Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first? — Riley Poole ↗

— Ann Lloyd

#humor

Evey Hammond: Who are you? V: Who? Who is but the form following the function of what and what I am is a man in a mask. Evey Hammond: Well I can see that. V: Of course you can. I'm not questioning your powers of observation I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is ↗

— Alan Moore

#humor #humor

The sun rose slowly, as if it wasn't sure it was worth all the effort. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

If I feel the urge to burst into flames, I'll let you know," Simon was getting fed up. "Look, did you actually ask me to come all the way uptown just so you could stare at me like I'm something in a petrie dish? Next time I'll send you a photo." "And I'll frame it and put it on my nightstand," Jace said, but he didn't sound as if his heart was in the sarcasm. "Look, I asked you here for a reason, not to stare at you. Much as I hate to admit it, vampire, we have something in common." "Totally awesome hair?" Simon suggested ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-wayland #simon-lewis #humor

Most of the upper management of I.S. were undead. I always thought it was because the job was easier if you didn't have a soul. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor #management #humor