#or

I'm trying to make some sense out of the phrase "Everything happens for a reason," and I think I've figured out what the reason is - to pissed me off. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#humor

The meeting was like a war council with donuts. Then again, back at Camp Half-Blood they used to have their most serious discussions around the Ping-Pong table in the rec room with crackers and Cheez Whiz, so Percy felt right at home. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #percy-jackson #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #the-mark-of-athena #war-council

You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #reading #humor

We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare." "Scrabble?" He sounds surprised. "Scrabble's great." "Not when you're playing with a family of geniuses, it's not. They all put words like 'iridiums'. And I put 'pig'. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#family

The champagne was dead. So it goes. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

What?" Jace was still staring at her as if she'd told him she'd found one of the Silent Brothers doing nude cartwheels in the hallway. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

And Nate? You kiss like a slobbering dog, you have bad breath, and you wouldn't know how to punch the right buttons on a girl if we came with manuals. Happy Thanksgiving, Jackass. ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#humor #sassy #humor

It is perfectly monstrous,' he said, at last, 'the way people go about nowadays saying things against one behind one's back that are absolutely and entirely true. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #oscar-wilde #truth #humor

I'm too young, too smart and too good-looking to die. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humour #humor