#or

The earl shook his head, exhibiting a degree of frosty offense that could only be achieved by an aristocrat whose wishes had just been gainsaid. “I’ve never heard of a man being so eager to confess to the parent of a girl he’s just ruined,” he said sourly. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#sarcasm #humor

Yelling doesn't get your point across, it only makes it louder. ↗

— Grant Hill

#common-sense #humor #humor

Lassiter hit pause and clamped a hard hand on his shoulder."Sit the fuck back. Watch and learn." "What? How much I hate rom-coms? How 'bout we just stipulate that and let me go." "You're going to need this." " For my second career as a pussy? ↗

— J.R. Ward

#lassiter #tohr #humor

Tohr jacked forward his in his seat. "What the hell!" As Lassiter's big body cut through the projection onto the screen, a gigantic pair of flapping breasts covered his face and chest. "Adventures in the Milfy Way. A true classic." "It's porn!" "Duh--" "Okay, I am not sitting through this with you" The angel, still standing up. shrugged. "Just wanted to make sure you know what you're missing. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#lassiter #tohr #humor

It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #poetry #humor

Rose took my nose, I suppose,” he repeated; the bubble of phlegm in his throat made a disgusting crackle. “And it really blows. ↗

— James Dashner

#humor #humour #rose-took-my-nose #the-scorch-trials #humor

Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#humor

She rests her hand on the ruffled costume beside her. “Just answer this one question. My brother never got over you. Did you ever get over him?”I swallow. “There are some people in life that you can’t get over.” “Good.” Calliope stands and gives me a grim smile. “But break Cricket’s heart? I’ll break your face. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#love #humor

I got bored," he says. "Besides, you know what's creepier than walking around your dead brothers' apartment? Sitting alone in a hearse in front of his apartment. ↗

— Holly Black

#dark #friends #humor #humor

I am in love with you', I responded. He laughed the most beguiling and gentle laugh. 'Of course you are,' he replied. 'I understand perfectly because I'm in love with myself. The fact that I'm not transfixed in front of the nearest mirror takes a great deal of self-control.' It was my turn to laugh. ↗

— Anne Rice

#narcissism #passion #humor