#or

I am in love with you', I responded. He laughed the most beguiling and gentle laugh. 'Of course you are,' he replied. 'I understand perfectly because I'm in love with myself. The fact that I'm not transfixed in front of the nearest mirror takes a great deal of self-control.' It was my turn to laugh. ↗

— Anne Rice

#narcissism #passion #humor

I wasn’t sure if I was charmed by his reluctance to share a bed with a girl or insulted that, apparently, I wasn’t hot enough for him to charge the mattress like a bull. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#humor #sam-roth #humor

I was raised the old-fashioned way, with a stern set of moral principles: Never lie, cheat, steal or knowingly spread a venereal disease. Never speed up to hit a pedestrian or, or course, stop to kick a pedestrian who has already been hit. From which it followed, of course, that one would never ever -- on pain of deletion from dozens of Christmas card lists across the country -- vote Republican. ↗

— Barbara Ehrenreich

#politics #republicans #humor

And stop talking in that puffed-up way they taught you. Words aren't brains, you know. ↗

— Deepak Chopra

#humor #humor

He's acting as foolish as a kitten... but then, everyone's entitled to a little foolishness once in a while. ↗

— Christopher Paolini

#humor #wisdom #humor

But the aspect of secrets is they leak out. If they didn't leak, they wouldn't be interesting. ↗

— CLAMP

#secrets #humor

It's not lying when you do it to officers! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#lying #superiors #humor

My eyes rolled so far back in my head that I could see myself think ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

If you drive a car, I'll tax the street; if you try to sit, I'll tax your seat; if you get too cold, I'll tax the heat; if you take a walk, I'll tax your feet. ↗

— George Harrison

#song #humor

Clevinger had a mind, and Lieutenant Scheisskoph had noticed that people with minds tended to get pretty smart at times. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#humor