#ow

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. ↗

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments. ↗

— David Letterman

#gentlemen #great #i #into #jokes

The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He's dead, then he's alive, then dead, then alive. It's just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral. ↗

— David Letterman

#big #confusing #dead #debate #funeral

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves. ↗

— David Letterman

#bush #george #george w #giving #house

We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets. ↗

— David Letterman

#apology #bombed #certificate #chinese #clinton

I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on. ↗

— Oscar Levant

#drink #envy #everything #i #know

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors. ↗

— Sam Levenson

#colors #consult #created #decorator #god

I'm going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow! ↗

— Sam Levenson

#i #off #putting #starting #stop

If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother. ↗