#p

Well," said Apollo with a brave smile. "You were right, my dear. You had everything under control! Let's go see if we boiled anyone important, shall we? ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #humor

It's a penis," Margo said, "in the same sense that Rhode Island is a state: it may have an illustrious history, but it sure isn't big. ↗

— John Green

#humor

Writing poetry and reading books causes brain damage. ↗

— Pat Conroy

#poetry #writing #humor

Monty Python: A documentary series on everyday life in Great Britain. ↗

— Frank Portman

#monty-python #humor

Her chances of a decent marriage were about to be dashed-and all because of a ferret. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #marriage #poppy #spinster #humor

If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read "President Can't Swim. ↗

— Lyndon B. Johnson

#humor

Rob looked a little shocked. "Don't you look at me like that," I snapped at him. "Just because I can't trim a beard don't mean I can't swear." "Like a sailor," he added. "I've never heard so many curses in my whole life. All combined. ↗

— A.C. Gaughen

#snappy-dialogue #humor

Some people think this is paranoia, but it isn't. Paranoids only think everyone is out to get them. Wizards know it. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#paranoia #humor

I'll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that's probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess. ↗

— Cassandra Duffy

#humor

Everyone, in some small sacred sanctuary of the self, is nuts. ↗

— Leo Rosten

#inspirational #life #humor