#plum

It's weird, man. I've had a weird life, and I don't want to end up on the dole. I'm fed up with the plumbing. And I think it would be good to be a little pop star again. ↗

— Brian Harvey

#dole #end #fed #fed up #good

My sex life is okay." "Yeah," Morelli said. "But sometimes it's fun to have a partner. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#joe-morelli #stephanie-plum #humor

Opening my door to Dillon Ruddick, my bulding super. I handed him a cup of coffee. "Sorry about the blood." "What was it this time?" No one reported gunfire." "I hit a guy in the face with a hair dryer." "Whoa." Dillon said. "It wasn't my fault," I told him. "Maybe we should lay down some linoleum here. It would make things easier for clean up. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#funny

I would rather die than be a plumber, but thanks to lead I can do both. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #plumbing #funny

Why do you give me cars?" "It's fun," Ranger said."And it keeps you safe. Do you want to know why keeping you safe is important to me?" "You love me?" "Yes." A sigh inadvertently escaped. "We're really screwed up, aren't we?" "In a very large way," Ranger said. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#sizzling-sixteen #stephanie-plum #love

What's with the super soaker?" -Stephine "I had a stork of genius when you called me this morning I said what do I have to do to protect myself from the vampire? And the answer that came to me was holy water! I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner." -Lula "You have the Super Soaker filled with holy water?" -Stephine "Yeah I sucked it out of the church. You know that birdbath thing they got right up front?" -Lula "THe baptismal font?" -Stephine "That's it. They got it filled with holy water, free for the taking." -Lula "Brilliant." -Stephine ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#funny

I've heard there’s a lot of bagpiping in that house. I'd love to go check it out." "So...you want to join the secret society of revolutionary plumbers. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #plumbing #secret-society #funny

The poor things keep calling in those – those pumbles, I think they're called – you know, the ones who mend pipes and things – " "Plumbers?" " – exactly, yes, but of course they're flummoxed. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #plumber #weasley #humor

I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#exercise #humor #plum #stephanie-plum #humor

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #humor