#plum

You sure you don't want to go?” Grandma Mazur asked my mother. “I didn't know Moogey Bues,” my mother told her. “I've got better things to do than to go to a viewing of a perfect stranger.” “I wouldn't go either,” Grandma Mazur said, “but I'm helping Stephanie with this here manhunt. Maybe Kenny Mancuso will show up, and Stephanie will need some extra muscle. I was watching Television, and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down.” “She's your responsibility,” my mother said to me. “She sticks her fingers in anybody's eyes I'm holding you accountable. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#grandma-mazur #humor #stephaine-s-mom #stephanie-plum #sticking-fingers-in-eyes

...I blink back the threat of tears, swiped at my nose and narrowed my eyes. "Listen to me, you two bags of monkey shit, "I yelled. "I am not in a good mood. My car keeps stalling. The day before yesterday I threw up on Joe Morelli. I was called a fat cow by my ex-husband. And if that isn't enough...my hair is ORANGE! ORANGE, FOR CHRISSAKE! And now you have the gall to force yourself into my home and threaten my hamster. Well, you have gone too far. You have crossed the line! ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#stephanie-plum #hilarious

The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a limo all day. But Howard still knows how to make a plumber laugh and those guys still have him on in the morning, because he is a real talent. ↗

— Artie Lange

#all day #because #dates #day #drives

Promises that you make to yourself are often like the Japanese plum tree - they bear no fruit. ↗

— Francis Marion

#fruit #japanese #like #make #often

My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#disposal #garbage #i #i do #out

In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union. ↗

— Conan O'Brien

#cleveland #fit #forward #however #legislation

People are crying up the rich and variegated plumage of the peacock, and he is himself blushing at the sight of his ugly feet. ↗

— Sa'Di

#crying #feet #himself #his #peacock

Every actor is somewhat mad, or else he'd be a plumber or a bookkeeper or a salesman. ↗

— Bela Lugosi

#else #every #mad #plumber #salesman

What is more mortifying than to feel that you have missed the plum for want of courage to shake the tree? ↗

— Logan P. Smith

#feel #missed #more #mortifying #plum

I believe that all of us are born heterosexual, physically created with a plumbing that's heterosexual, and created with the instincts and desires that are basically, fundamentally, heterosexual. ↗

— Jerry Falwell

#believe #born #created #desires #fundamentally