#po

If there is a thing I truly despise, it is being addressed as "dearie." When I write my magnum opus, A Treatise Upon All Poison, and come to "Cyanide," I am going to put under "Uses" the phrase "Particularly efficacious in the cure of those who call one 'Dearie. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#poison #humor

I'm back... and you knew I was coming. On my way here I passed a cinema with the sign 'The Mummy Returns'. ↗

— Margaret Thatcher

#politics #humor

I've always been interested in the relationship between total external surround, culture, the political matrix, technology, etc., and the internal human consciousness. ↗

— Norman Spinrad

#been #between #consciousness #culture #etc

Plans are invitation to disappointment. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humorous #plans #spontaneity #humor

They stuff people’s heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall,” he told Harry. “Want to come upstairs and practice?” “No, thanks,” said Harry. “The poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your head down it — it might be sick.” Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he’d said. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #humor

Sorry I painted the word 'twat' on your garage door. ↗

— David Shrigley

#humor #regret #shrigley #vandalism #humor

جاء في الأثر أن إمرأة دخلت النار في قطة حبستها، و إذا كنا بالتأكيد أكرم عند الله عز و جل من القطط، فبالتأكيد سيذهب الحزب الوطني إلي النار لأنه لا هو أطعمنا و لا هو تركنا نأكل من خشاش الأرض. ↗

— بلال فضل

#politics #humor

This is your copy of Advanced Potion-Making, is it, Potter?” “Yes,” said Harry, still breathing hard. “You’re quite sure of that, are you, Potter?” “Yes,” said Harry, with a touch more defiance. “This is the copy of Advanced Potion-Making that you purchased from Flourish and Blotts?” “Yes,” said Harry firmly. “Then why,” asked Snape, “does it have the name ‘Roonil Wazlib’ written inside the front cover?” Harry’s heart missed a beat. “That’s my nickname,” he said. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #potions #ron-weasley #severus-snape #humor

The death of one is a tragedy, but death of a million is just a statistic. ↗

— Marilyn Manson

#death

A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn't only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you're burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. it's only a symbol. It's only a piece of cloth. ↗

— George Carlin

#politics #humor