#pro

It’s all about control. Control is illusory. No matter what university you go to, no matter what degree you hold, if your goal is to become master of your own destiny, you have more to learn. Parkinson’s is a perfect metaphor for lack of control. Every unwanted movement in my hand or arm, every twitch that I cannot anticipate or arrest, is a reminder that even in the domain of my own being, I am not calling the shots. I tried to exert control by drinking myself to a place of indifference, which just exacerbated the sense of miserable hopelessness. ↗

— Michael J. Fox

#improvement #parkinson-s #funny

I'm a big believer in putting things off, In fact, I even put off procrastinating. -Ella Varner ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #jack-travis #procrastination #humor

The only way to tell a fable is to introduce a human. The only way to tell a proverb is to introduce your grandfather. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #proverbs #funny

Are you sure you can't dematerialize? Not even a little?" "I'm sure. ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#human-problems #funny

Spending one’s last moments prostrated before the toilet is the supreme act of repentance. It allows one to relieve a heavy inner burden. ↗

— Bauvard

#confession #funny #humor #prostration #toilet

A brick could be used to increase your annual sales. But before you can sell, you’ve got to buy. For just $9.99 I’ll show you how a common brick can transform you into an uncommon salesman. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #buy

You're a big boy, No. You'll figure something out. Just make sure it includes the groveling." -Abby It come to all of us. Especially those of us foolish enough to fall in love with women who have minds of their own. If you will recall, your own sister had a few things she had to forgive me for before we could move on with our relationship." -Rule There's a big difference between a little kidnapping and what he did." -Abby "You did not call it a 'little' anything at the time, sweet. You were furious with me. Believe me, the groveling does do wonders." -Rule ↗

— Christine Warren

#realtionship-problems #forgiveness

He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls …the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make progress. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #progress #funny

Mass narcolepsy is one of the more fortunate side effects of profundity. It ensures everyone will have a singular awareness of life that won’t overlap with yours. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #narcolepsy #profundity #sleeping #funny

I always procrastinate. It allows me to do what I want now without sacrificing my goals for the future. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #goals #humor #procrastination #funny