#pro

Alas! Charles made the promise glibly, and forgot all about it. ↗

— Whipplesnaith

#funny #promise #funny

His heart beat so rapidly it might burst; he kept telling himself everything was fine so long as he remained a giraffe. ↗

— Andrew Sturm

#funny #humor #kirkwood #project #funny

When you’re busy, avoid taking the quickest action. Instead make the extra effort to truly serve the customer. ↗

— Marilyn Suttle

#customer-service #inspirational #self-improvement #success #business

Professor: A mind not broad enough to encompass its specific sub-discipline, so it loses itself within its position instead. If nothing else, others will be made to grasp the meaning of 'Emeritus' – through its effects if not its etymology. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #professor #funny

That body is most attractive which is well proportioned: a gangly right arm balanced by a left stump, a leg suffering from elephantitis by a meatless femur bone, a tapered waist by a bulbous head. One should be so ordered that all who see this person will say: ‘This is a figure ruled by harmony. ↗

— Bauvard

#bodies #funny #humor #proportion #funny

A man with nothing to sell is the most unprincipled of self-promoters. The only thing of value he has to offer a woman is his clothes. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #nudity #principles #salesmen #self-promotion

If you can't argue properly, how can you ever come to a decision when you flip a coin? One side always has some butthead on it, and the reverse bears a lofty representation. Whichever case you make for your side, you can't afford to leave something like that to chance. ↗

— Bauvard

#chance #coin-flipping #funny #humor #probability

Everyone is always proclaiming the decline of civilization, but it takes a true prophet to look into his wine glass and embody it. ↗

— Bauvard

#decadence #funny #humor #prophets #funny

We become slaves the moment we hand the keys to the definition of reality entirely over to someone else, whether it is a business, an economic theory, a political party, the White House, Newsworld or CNN. ↗

— B.W. Powe

#propaganda #reality #truth #business

I don't need new boots I got bluchers back down home. Eff the effing bluchers I'll buy you new adjectival effing elastic sided boots. ↗

— Peter Carey

#profanity #home