#r

Buttercup's mother whirled on him. 'Did you forget to pay your taxes?' (This was after taxes. But everything is after taxes. Taxes were here even before stew.) ↗

— William Goldman

#humor

She's so small, yet she contains so much evil. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.) ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #max #maximum-ride #maxride #humor

It isn`t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married. ↗

— Drew Carey

#humor

God knows I didn't mean to fall in love with her ↗

— Ernest Hemingway

#humor

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

Doctor, if being a bitch is healthy, then I am the healthiest damn woman on the face of the earth ↗

— Augusten Burroughs

#humor

Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding! ↗

— Jim Butcher

#interference #humor

It's my turn to see you through,' she whispers, coming back to me and wrapping me in her blanket as I lose my shit all over again. She holds me until I recover my Y chromosome. ↗

— Gayle Forman

#humor

Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one. ↗

— Rachel Cohn

#humor