#ra

He checked out his surrounding. More books. A drinking fountain. A poster showing a guy slam-dunking a basketball with one hand and holding a book in the other, urging kids to READ! Weird, thought Steve. How can he even see the hoop? ... You see, Steven, Librarians are the most elite, best trained secret force in the United States of America. Probably in the world." "No way." "Yes way." "What about the FBI?" "Featherweights." "The CIA?" Mackintosh snorted. "Don't make me laugh. Those guys can't even dunk a basketball andd read a book at the same time. ↗

— Mac Barnett

#fbi #funny #librarians #funny

Radical Edwards's profile? He's a seven-foot tall ex-basketball pro hindu guru drag-queen alien. -Jet Black, from the Cowboy Bebop anime script ↗

— Keiko Nobumoto

#black #cowboy-bebop #edward #funny #jet

I situate myself, and seat myself, And where you recline I shall recline, For every armchair belonging to you as good as belongs to me. I loaf and curl up my tail I yawn and loaf at my ease after rolling in the catnip patch." (From Meow of Myself, from LEAVES OF CATNIP) ↗

— Henry N. Beard

#humor #leaves-of-grass #song-of-myself #walt-whitman #humor

Is he following? Can you have a flaming gay moment or something and check?" "Why do I have to be the flaming gay one? ↗

— Finn Marlowe

#funny #intense #m-m-romance #supernatural #funny

Instead of Rock, Paper, Scissors, you could play Brick, Blanket, Action Fingers, in which brick cripples action fingers, blanket smothers brick and action fingers beats blanket. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor

Not that I don't appreciate the rescue," Holt said. "But I'm forced to ask, in the interest of self-preservation ... exactly how well armed are you right now? ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#random #funny

It’s a sort of furtiveness … Like we were a generation of furtive. You know, with an inner knowledge there’s no use flaunting on that level, the level of the ‘public’, a kind of beatness – I mean, being right down to it, to ourselves, because we all really know where we are – and a weariness with all the forms, all the conventions of the world … It’s something like that. So I guess you might say we’re a beat generation. ↗

— Jack Kerouac

#beat-generation #jack-kerouac #mind #self #self-awareness

Back from where? you're not going out again and leaving me here are you?? Holy Hercules I sound like somebody's wife ↗

— Ruth Downie

#ruth-downie #terra-incognita #valens #funny

If you're heading downtown from Centeral Park, my advice is to take the subway. Flying pigs are faster but way more dangerous ↗

— Rick Riordan

#flying-pigs #funny-and-random #subways #funny

Walking down the beach alone at night when my headband flashlight has run out of batteries, and hearing sailors’ cries for help as their boats run up against the rocky coastline, and then getting a ticket from a policeman for improper lighthouse navigation behavior ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny-and-random #lighthouse #shipwreck #funny