#rand

the answer to every problem involved penguins ↗

— Rick Riordan

#penguins #funny

At the very leadt, we can grab Monica and hustle her skanky ass back to her dad wile you brave, strong menfolk hold off the bad guys. Right? ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humor #random #funny

I'm a widower with three sons and seven grandchildren. One of my sons is my partner on the ranch. ↗

— Wilford Brimley

#i #partner #ranch #seven #sons

Awesome ends with me; but Ugly starts with u... ↗

— Stephan

#random #silly #funny

Ish #153 "Artificial plants grow best in artificial light. ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-quotes #humor #humorous #tags-funny-and-random #funny

A brick could be used as a measurement of time. Yes, just think how stylish you’ll look with a brick duct taped to your wrist!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A brick could be put on the end of a scale, to determine if the other end of the scale holds a lie or the truth. (Hint: The truth is much heavier than a brick.)
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

If my hair was on fire and llamas came to put it out, he'd tell me the shot was great. ↗

— Erin Dionne

#funny

She ought to call him Benjamin, but it was too intimate, too soft. "My lord?" she ventured, only half serious. "Good, God, no." She bit back a smile. "Husband?" she took a sip of wine. He grunted. "Are we to become Quakers? ↗

— Kristen Callihan

#benjamin #firelight #funny #miranda #names

I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought