#rand

I introduced myself thus: “My name is Moscow Moonlove. My friends call me Moss, Cow, Moo, Moon, or Tigerpants. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#introduction #random #funny

I rolled my eyes. “Do all narcotics officers lack basic human compassion, or were you just not hugged enough as a child?” Trust Me ↗

— L.A. Witt

#funny

A blanket can be a statement—a generalization and truism covering a multitude of categories, like corruption, ineptitude, ignorance, arrogance, greed, and sloth—which would all fall under the blanket of “Politics.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A blanket and a brick could be put in a ring and paid to fight. Compared to MMA, it would be boring. But compared to boxing, it would be downright thrilling. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A brick could be affixed to each end of an axle, for an example of transportation in a pre-wheel society. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

It's for upset stomachs," Dylan siad, trying to hide a smile. "It's to reduce gas in your digestive system, not to create gas to make explosions." Gazzy's face fell as Iggy said,"Really? Gazzy, take it! Take the whole thing!" "I second that emotion!" said Total. ↗

— James Patterson

#funny

A brick on a stick could be licked like a lollipop.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

She never called her son by any name but John; 'love' and 'dear', and such like terms, were reserved for Fanny. ↗

— Elizabeth Gaskell

#funny-and-random #mothers #names #sobriquet #sons

A brick could be used to test my new levitation machine. Still, I’d rather test the machine out by seeing if it can lift my heavy, elephantine penis off the floor. But before I turn the machine on, I’m going to ask you to stand at least ten feet back, because I wouldn’t want to accidentally impregnate you. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange