#rand

A blanket could be used as a parachute, for jumping out of dreams.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to deny you your dreams. And a blanket could be used as a gateway to all your dreams. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

My grandmother was a Jewish juggler: she used to worry about six things at once. ↗

— Richard Lewis

#grandmother #jewish #juggler #once #she

He’s supposed to look out for you.” “I do!” Kieran sounded offended. “You should be proud of her. Hart requested her presence personally at the Drake coronation.” I closed my eyes briefly. We were doomed. “You went to a vampire ceremony?” Grandpa asked evenly. “He didn’t know?” Kieran asked. “No, he didn’t.” “Sorry.” Grandpa vibrated with rage. “I will not tolerate this kind of behavior in my family!” “It’s different now,” Kieran tried to assuage him. “I’m dating Solange Drake. They’re a good family.” Grandpa went red, then purple. Kieran took a step back. I whacked Grandpa between the shoulder blades. “Grandpa, breathe! ↗

— Alyxandra Harvey

#grandpa #kieran #dating

America is the most grandiose experiment the world has seen, but, I am afraid, it is not going to be a success. ↗

— Sigmund Freud

#am #america #experiment #going #grandiose

To the primitive mind, everything is either friendly or hostile; but experience has shown that friendliness and hostility are not the conceptions by which the world is to be understood. ↗

— Bertrand Russell

#experience

If you've never worked for an angry or a jealous woman then you have never truly experienced the full plethora and bouquet of the working experience. ↗

— Brandon Kelly

#experience

I've purged myself of worldly goods; half my stuff is either being sold or going to charity. I need to go shopping. ↗

— Christy Leigh Stewart

#funny-and-random #shop #shopaholic #shopping #funny

Say I feel all sad and self-indulgent, then get stung by a wasp, my misery feels quite abstract and I long just to be in spiritual pain once more - 'damn you tiny assassin, clad in yellow and black, how I crave my former innocence where melancholy was my only trial'. ↗

— Russell Brand

#faith #pain #russell-brand #wasps #faith

The house had a name. The Banana House. It was carved onto a piece of sandstone above the front door. It made no sense to anyone. ↗

— Hilary McKay

#funny-and-random #house #family