#rang

If I were an armadillo, and a stranger came up and said I looked familiar, and they wanted to know why I looked so familiar, I'd respond in a raspy voice, "Your brother ran over my brother. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brother #funny #ran-over #raspy-voice #stranger

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#considerate #funny #humor #jarod-kintz #mail

Your on your on with this one babe." "Coward." "Calling me names isn't going to get me in there." -Ranger and Stephanie ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#ranger #stephanie-plum #funny

A brick could be put on the end of a scale, to determine if the other end of the scale holds a lie or the truth. (Hint: The truth is much heavier than a brick.)
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me?
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to keep thieves away from your house. Just set a brick outside your front door, and you won’t need any additional security. Years will go by and nobody will steal the brick. And because the brick won’t get stolen, it’s proof that it deterred thieves from approaching your property.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be modified to be a cell phone, for construction workers who miss the easy to find cell phone size of the 1980s. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used to block a mouse hole. But something better that would not only block the hole physically, but also psychologically, would be to stuff a dead rat in the hole.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick would make a great stocking stuffer at Christmas—especially if you chisel it out of the fireplace the stocking is hanging from. Let the homeowner know how much you care.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny