#rca

I'm pretty sure those're my balls you've found,” I said to the man searching my pants. “You gonna count 'em out now? Because I'll save you the trouble. There's two. ↗

— Nenia Campbell

#humor #michael #sarcasm #humor

...but, dear me, let us be elegant or die. ↗

— Louisa May Alcott

#humor

Great,' I said. 'Visit exotic Australia. Get bitten by an exotic snake. Die exotically. ↗

— Steven Gould

#sarcasm #humor

Or, I could just sit in the bushes and pump the hand pump until the plumbing was superpressurized to 110 psi. This way, when someone goes to flush a toilet, the toilet tank will explode. At 150 psi, if someone turns on the shower, the water pressure will blow off the shower head, strip the threads, blam, the shower head turns into a mortar shell. Tyler only says this to make me feel better. The truth is I like my boss. Besides, I'm enlightened now. You know, only Buddha-style behavior. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#humor

I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him. 'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated. ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#sarcasm #humor

The cleanest civilization I’ve ever seen…and the number one thing you pack for a wedding is a jar of dirt? ↗

— M.A. George

#paranormal-romance #sarcastic-humor #wedding-traditions #humor

How does knowing 'things could be worse' than what I already deem is awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy! ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#pessimism #richelle #richelle-goodrich #sarcasm #sarcasm-humor

My body is a cage that keeps me from dancing with the one I love, but my mind holds the key. ↗

— Arcade Fire

#body #cage #key #my-body-is-a-cage #love

Knock him out, Paris!” “Sure. Want me to spew diamonds from my ass while I’m at it? ↗

— Gena Showalter

#paris

You know, Gilan, sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit. It's not even wit at all." -Halt ↗

— John Flanagan

#sarcasm #wit