#s

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way. ↗

— Allan Sloan

#grew #i #i write #jokes #puns

What made Olive the saddest about the Gardners was that everyone wanted to be enshrined in someone’s memory. It was the only way of living on after death, really: in the minds of loved ones. Memories were the only things that made aging bearable, a way of reverting to better, simpler days. ↗

— Andrea Lochen

#alzheimers #death #dementia #memory #age

Don't commit to being a columnist unless you're willing to do it right. Report your behind off, so you have something original and useful to say. Say it in a way that will interest someone other than you, your family and your sources. ↗

— Allan Sloan

#being #columnist #commit #family #interest

Get thee behind me, Satan! ↗

— P.C. Cast

#temptation #zoey-redbird #temptation

A blanket could be used to stimulate the topographical terrain of a mountainous region. Kind of makes you feel like God, if you think about it.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

It is a building designed by committee: all they have been able to agree on is that it should be rectangular, have windows, and not fall over. ↗

— Max Barry

#committees #humour #architecture

If you are on time you are a slave, if you are late you are free ↗

— SK

#inspirational #inspirational-attitude #inspirational-success-failure #attitude

Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive. ↗

— John French Sloan

#dead #knock #since #speak #them

Captain Fisher, the commander, with a party of young ladies from the city and gentlemen belonging to his ship, came one day to pay me a visit in the midst of a deluge of rain. ↗

— Joshua Slocum

#came #captain #city #commander #day

On one hand, it seems like I've waited a long time for this. ↗

— Karrie Webb

#i #like #long #long time #seems