#s

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first! ↗

— Henny Youngman

#bed #complains #feet #first #get

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#man #poor #self-taught #student #usually

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#does #get #gift #his #how

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#brother-in-law #died #expert #first #first time

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#die #jewish #men #their #want

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#interferes #jews #suffering #their #why

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match. ↗

— Henny Youngman

#hips #match #she

I had dreams of catching the ball for the final out in the World Series and being mobbed by my teammates. Well, I guess all my dreams didn't come true. ↗

— Robin Yount

#being #catching #come #dreams #final

I was also very lucky to be a teammate of two of the greatest players to have ever played the game. I learned very early on by playing for Frank Robinson and with Henry Aaron that even the greatest players in the game were just one of the guys. ↗

— Robin Yount

#also #early #even #ever #frank

My brother Larry. He taught me how hard work and dedication to the game was the only way to make it. He's taken care of all my business activities for me and my family for many years, and I thank him for that. ↗

— Robin Yount

#brother #business #care #dedication #family