#s

One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#weasley-twins #funny

I think we should model parts of the English language after the Inuits, who have 52 words for snow. Why don't we have 52 words for love? Instead, I have to rely on metaphors like, Her love was as pure as yellow snow. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #snow #funny

It's a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don't you think?" "It does much more that that," Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him. His eyes widened. "What wonder is this?" "It's called Angry Birds. Now do you believe me? ↗

— Derek Landy

#angry-birds #birds #funny #humour #valkyrie

drive like hell was chasing you. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny

I want to hang from a tree the way Spanish moss hung from my father's face, like the mustache he was so embarrassed he couldn't grow. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#mustache #spanish-moss #funny

She was hearing the words. They just weren't registering on her Richter scale of sanity. ↗

— Dakota Cassidy

#hearing #humor #insanity #richter-scale #funny

Noise soup. I just made it. Taste it with your ears. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #noise #soup #taste #funny

Horace, who had been trying to find out the meaning of Kurokuma for some time now, was pleased to hear the translation. "Black bear," he repeated. "It's undoubtedly because I'm so terrible in battle." "I'd guess so," Will put in. "I've seen you in battle and you're definitely terrible. ↗

— John Flanagan

#nickname #ranger-s-apprentice #funny

Sorry. My friends didn't mention certain....details about you and you just wouldn't believe how nutty some people are. Just last week, I had a woman convinced her trailer was haunted by Tupac, as if he'd want to spend eternity in a double wide that smelled like cat piss. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#funny

I am, he thought dimly, watching a vampire take a piss. ↗

— Stephen King

#gross #vampire #funny