#s

This is the silliest thing I've heard since the cat yoga craze a couple of years ago. I went right out and bought a cat yoga instruction book and tiny terry-cloth headband and renamed my girl cat 'Olive Neutered John,' which she didn't think was funny. Cats have no sense of humor. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#pets #funny

My friend has had sex with half the women in this city. I think he had sex with the lower half of all the women. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #sex #women #funny

All the letters from A to Z couldn’t express what you mean to me. Not without cloning them and using some over and over ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#express #funny #letters #funny

Let me just say it out loud so we can laugh together: You're going to find Johnny Depp, take him back to Vahalal, and put him in a zoo? ↗

— Gary Ghislain

#johnny-depp #laughs #funny

...And when you say the truth you get stronger. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#strength-of-character #truth #funny

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good. ↗

— Amy Summers

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor

I fish better than any fish alive. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

No, I don't like you, I just thought you were cute enough to kiss you. ↗

— Frank Ocean

#funny #hip-hop #horomones #in-the-moment #life-and-living

And soon we were just rolling around on the ground, cursing and screeching and ripping out handfuls of hair. Without super hearing, I wouldn't have heard Zeb whisper, "This is the coolest thing I have ever seen." "Maybe they'll get muddy," Dick said. "Please, Lord, let them get muddy. ↗

— Molly Harper

#funny #jane-jameson #missy #molly-harper #mud

A blanket is great for covering things, like the dead guy, I just killed with this brick. ↗

— Nicole McKay

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny #humor