#says

Single guys can easily simulate some of the joys of marriage simply by installing one of those GPS devices that use a woman's voice. ↗

— Barry Parham

#humor #humor

Brighton Beach does not look, smell, or sound like Russia. It's a parody of Russia at best, something as different from the real thing as a picture of the Eiffel Tower. Yes, they sell Russian food on Brighton Beach, and Russian books and videos, and Russian clothes, and there are Russian restaurants and Russian nightclubs, and everybody speaks Russian, but the Russianness of the place is so concentrated that it feels ridiculously exaggerated. Everything Russian on Brighton Beach is too Russian, far more Russian than in real Russia. This is what happens all over Brooklyn. From the Scandinavians of Bay Ridge to the Chinese of Sunset Park, Brooklyn's immigrants go to ridiculous extremes to re-create their homelands only to end up with a vulgar pastiche. ↗

— Lara Vapnyar

#brooklyn-was-mine #essays #memoirs #food

It wasn’t enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of the mental hospital. ↗

— Weston Locher

#comedy #essays #funny #hilarious #humor

I believe it was Gayelord Hauser, the nutritionist, who said, 'You are what you eat,' but if you happen to be an intellectual, you are what you quote. ↗

— Joseph Epstein

#humor #quotatious #humor

Facebook says, 'Privacy is theft,' because they're selling your lack of privacy to the advertisers who might show up one day. ↗

— Jaron Lanier

#day #facebook #lack #might #one day

As I understand it, I am being paid only for my work in arranging the words; my property is that arrangement. The thoughts in this book, on the contrary, are not mine. They came freely to me, and I give them freely away. I have no "intellectual property," and I think that all claimants to such property are theives. ↗

— Wendell Berry

#freedom

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. ↗

— Henry Adams

#mean #means #say #says #slippery

A great chessplayer is not a great man, for he leaves the world as he found it. ↗

— William Hazlitt

#essays #great-men #greatness #men

Judge yourself; if you do that you will not be judged by God, as St. Paul says. But it must be a real sense of your own sinfulness, not an artificial humility. ↗

— Johannes Tauler

#god #humility #judge #judged #must

Every time a man expects, as he says, his money to work for him, he is expecting other people to work for him. ↗

— Dorothy L. Sayers

#every time #expecting #expects #him #his