#sex

I wouldn’t even be the “world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones.
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— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #planet #population #sexy

Alright, good night,” he said, his words a little slurred. “But before I pass out, I want you to know that you’re the hottest biscuit this side of the gravy boat. ↗

— Erin McCarthy

#funny #hot #humor #love #relationships

I only go birdwatching during mating season. I'm a pornithologist. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #ornithology #sexuality #funny

I'm a whore!" Miki hit the brakes...her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?" Sara let out a strangled squeal... ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humour #paranormal-romance #sexy #funny

I want to write a song about retaliation called, "Oh Yeah, and I Faked Every Orgasm...While You Were Out of Town. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #relationships #retaliation #revenge

Aside from murder alibis and kinky sex, what good are clones? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #kinky-sex #murder #funny

Well, remember, active Grims can't have children. Fertility is adversley affected by the proximity to the ether, to Elixir, and all sorts of other components-- plus, the Grimsphere is no place to raise a family, even if woman conceive here." Lex snuck a glance at Driggs, but Uncle Mort caught her. "That doesn't mean you get a free pass to ride the baloney pony when ever you want to. Got it? ↗

— Gina Damico

#funny #sexual #family

Nathan, how can you stand playing the same piece over and over again?" And Grandpa Nate answered, "Why don't you ask me how I can stand making love to the same woman over and over again? ↗

— E.L. Konigsburg

#humor #music #sex #funny

[Lizzie Bennington to a reporter who has asked for her opinion about Jack Archer's celebrated thighs.] “When you come back from a set down and bring the match to a final set tiebreak and are a point away from winning the match, only to have what looks like an extremely fit player call a time out because of a cramp and then watch that player sit back and casually converse and laugh while you do your best to keep your mental focus and your body moving so you don’t grow cold and cramp yourself, I hardly think you’d concern yourself with his burgeoning manhood, let alone his thighs! ↗

— A.G. Starling

#contemporary-romance #funny #game #lizzie-bennet #love

I can't dance, remember?" I whispered. "It's just a tango. It is like sex, except with clothes on." Then, squeezing me closer: "Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot, you do not know how to do that either. ↗

— Joe Schreiber

#funny #sex #tango #funny