#ship

How about "diamonds are a girl's best friends"? Nope. It should be switched around and pointed out, instead, that your best friends are diamonds. ↗

— Gina Barreca

#friendship #humor #friendship

I think you and he need to talk. And once you do, I won’t have to worry about being jumped like a felon again.” Blay frowned. “He and I have nothing to say to each other—” “With all due respect, the ligature marks around my neck would suggest otherwise. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

Ain't No Drama Like Bedroom Drama ↗

— Renata D. Johnson

#friendships #humor #love #relationships #sex

An English traveller relates how he lived upon intimate terms with a tiger; he had reared it and used to play with it, but always kept a loaded pistol on the table. ↗

— Stendhal

#companionship #humor #trust #humor

You love the bitch from hell? Well then, you must be nuts. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#humor

Hi honey, I’m home! Take your pants off!” Wesley announced. He kissed my cheek as he passed me and put his lunch container in the sink. ↗

— J.M. Colail

#humor #lgbt #relationship #sex #humor

He offered her power, money, status... a giant prison, all in exchange for only...her soul. ↗

— Coco J. Ginger

#love #lovers #money #power #prison

Spending one’s last moments prostrated before the toilet is the supreme act of repentance. It allows one to relieve a heavy inner burden. ↗

— Bauvard

#confession #funny #humor #prostration #toilet

Warren made a noise, the first one I'd heard out of him since we'd come into the room. I'd have been happier if he hadn't sounded scared. "Easy, Warren," Adam told him. "You're safe here.” "If you die on us, you won't be," said Kyle with a growl that would have done credit to any of the werewolves in the room. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#funny #mercy-thompson #friendship

I loved her so much, but she vanished from my life. She didn’t just suddenly disappear, but she slowly began losing her opacity until eventually her transparency was 100%.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #life #love #relationships