#si

Think you can maybe not die for five minutes?" "I'll try,"I told him seriously. "You know, if anyone else said that, it would be funny. ↗

— Karen Chance

#marco #funny

When the gap between the rich and the poor is so huge that you can’t help pointing it out – that’s when you risk being labeled a pervert. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #inequality #perversion #funny

He laughs. "Put some clothes on so you don't scare poor Kiara with your morning hard-on." I look down at my shorts. Sure enough, I've got la tengo dura in front of Kiara and Tuck. Shit. I reach out for the first thing I can grab and put it in front of me to shield myself from view. It happens to be one of Kiara's stuffed animals, but I don't have much choice right now. "That's Kiara's Mojo," Tuck says, laughing. "Get it? Mojo? ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#carlos-fuentes #funny #kiara #kiara-westford #perfect-chemistry

As we come to grips with our own selfishness and stupidity, we make friends with the impostor and accept that we are impoverished and broken and realize that, if we were not, we would be God. The art of gentleness toward ourselves leads to being gentle with others -- and is a natural prerequisite for our presence to God in prayer. ↗

— Brennan Manning

#faith #feelings #gentleness #impostor #prayer

The nice thing about being an empty-headed pessimist is that that your glass is only half air. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #pessimism #funny

Now listen, we need to be quiet as mice. No, quieter than that. As quiet as...as..." "Dead mice?" Reynie suggested. "Perfect," said Kate with an approving nod. "As quiet as dead mice. ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#funny #mice #silence #sneaking #funny

He didn't want me to get hurt? Wow. Just wow. I might actually be close to a swoon here ↗

— Jessica Verday

#funny #jessica-verday #the-hollow #funny

It's sick and twisted and violent. Other than that it is totally G rated. ↗

— Elizabeth Cruickshank

#funny #oxymoron #sick #twisted #vioolence

An ice sculpture in the Sahara makes about as much sense as donkey left open gaping wagon, Sergeant (add cream cheese sparingly).
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cream-cheese #donkey #ice-sculpture #nonsensical #open

If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#hospital #humor #sick #funny