#t

Alright, manly man,” he says. “Go prove that you’re a man. ↗

— Jessica Sorensen

#jessica-sorensen #kayden-and-seth #manly-man #funny

Me: “Ngh” Cal: “Well put.” ...... Every Boy's Got One ↗

— Meg Cabot

#funny

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. ↗

— Johnny Carson

#entertainment #funny #hollywood #humor #insanity

I want to write a book called, "Ten Steps to Asexuality." Of course, I recommend all those steps be taken in Birkenstock sandals. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#book #funny #write #funny

Rather than waste a whole day, I would rather spend it counting to 86,400. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#waste-of-time #funny

Pritkin muttered something that sounded fairly vicious. “My clothes are warded! Even if I wished to accede to your demand, it would not work on them.” “Then strip.” “I beg your pardon?” He sounded almost polite suddenly, as if he believed he couldn’t possibly have heard right. ↗

— Karen Chance

#funny #pritkin #funny

How did you get in?" "I move in mysterious ways." "God moves in mysterious ways. You move like lightning - here one moment, gone the next. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#funny #hush-hush #mysterious-ways #nora-and-patch #nora-grey

You know, I don’t get why Fred and George only got three O.W.L.s each,” said Harry, watching as Fred, George, and Lee collected gold from the eager crowd. “They really know their stuff. . . .” “Oh, they only know flashy stuff that’s no real use to anyone,” said Hermione disparagingly. “No real use?” said Ron in a strained voice. “Hermione, they’ve got about twenty-six Galleons already. . . . ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#funny #george-weasley #useless-talents #funny

The best thing about dating a deaf woman with no nose is being able to fart in bed and have her not know. Well, that is unless Edmond tells her, but I don't think he will. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dating

Some girls want to be a princess when they grow up. I wanted to be in a bad bitch girl gang. ↗

— Natalia Kills

#bitch #funny #funny