#t

He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #intelligence #people #stupidity #humor

If marshmallows can bring campers together in fellowship, they can unite lovers. That is why they are eaten under the stars, to give horoscopes their influence. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #love #marshmellows #funny

The smaller the dinner table, the better the side conversation: you can gossip about the guests without fearing whether you will be overheard. It just isn't good table manners to exclude someone from their own ridicule. That's why the juiciest side conversations occur at a table for one. ↗

— Bauvard

#dinner #funny #gossip #humor #table-manners

When it’s not enough to veto your children’s tendencies, you must in vitro them. ↗

— Bauvard

#children #funny #humor #parenting #funny

The workforce offers many outlets for personal growth to people of limited potential. You can explore your aptitude for drudgery. Or if you are the creative sort, you can join a corporation and have it come up with your ideas for you. The amount of great ideas corporations have today is astounding. They are far more original than people ever were. In fact, since the rise of the corporation I can’t think of a single person who invented anything. ↗

— Bauvard

#creativity #funny #humor #inventions #jobs

Sickly people infect everyone with pity. It undermines the mutual respect people should have for one another. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #infection #respect #sickness #funny

A woman only drools on a man when she can't swallow his pride. It would be sacrificing her integrity to drool on the furniture. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #furniture #humor #integrity #men-and-women

The only purpose in making an appointment is to prolong the anticipation of one's presence. That’s why when I make dinner reservations, I hardly ever show up. It ensures the waiters are doing their job properly. ↗

— Bauvard

#dinner #funny #humor #reservations #servers

Someday I want to speckle myself into the sky, to stamp heaven with brand-name originality. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #immortality #stars #funny

The law and a thin veil of insincerity, all that prevents me from strangling an etiquette coach. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #law #manners #politeness