#t

Love is a madness. Love is Failer - Durzo Blint ↗

— Brent Weeks

#fantasy #humor

AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#crime #humor #immigration #politics #punishment

But beauty, real beauty, ends where an intellectual expression begins. Intellect is in itself a mode of exaggeration, and destroys the harmony of any face. The moment one sits down to think, one becomes all nose, or all forehead, or something horrid. Look at the successful men in any of the learned professions. How perfectly hideous they are! Except, of course, in the Church. But then in the Church they don't think. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humorous #beauty

I’ll not only win glory in a castrated bullfighting tournament, I can make a profit by selling rocky mountain oysters, too. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #funny

The thin girl was gulping down one of Richard's bananas in what was, Richard reflected, the least erotic display of banana-eating he had ever seen. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#science-fiction #humor

I have never been reduced to begging somebody to leave me alone, but in your case I’ll make an exception. ↗

— Tom Upton

#young-adult-fiction #humor

You think you're so cool just because you can walk! ↗

— Jen Lancaster

#humor #humor

I've never questioned the integrity of an umpire. Their eyesight, yes. ↗

— Leo Durocher

#humor #sports #umpires #humor

Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#humorous-philosophy #humorous-quotations #humor

Carbohydrates from the Latin, carbo which means "yummy" and hydrates which means "cinnamon bun," are not something I can eliminate or even drastically cut back on. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#humor #yummy #humor