#t

You can't just call the Praetor. It's not like 1-800-WEREWOLF. ↗

— - Jordan Kyle Cassandra Clare

#humour #jordan-kyle #the-mortal-instruments #the-mortal-instruments-series #funny

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers and boys used to dress like their fathers. Now girls drink like their fathers and boys dress like their mothers. ↗

— Habeeb Akande

#boys #clothes #clothing #cook #dress

So this is why I write. Because most times, your life isn’t funny the first time through. Most times, you can hardly stand it. That’s why I write, because life never works except in retrospect. And writing makes you look back. Because since you can’t control life, at least you can control your version. ↗

— Chuck Palahniuk

#funny

Woolsey bites on occasion ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#magnus-bane #possibly-inappropriate #funny

Well I ain't Dr. Phil, but I'm smart," she said. "And your shoes are cuter than his," I said, trying to sound at least semi-normal. "Yeah they remind me of Dorothy's ruby slippers, only mine are wedges 'cause I'm more fashion conscious than she was. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#dr-phil #funny #hidden #house-of-night #kramisha

A blanket could be used to settle disputes. Hold my penis while I demonstrate how it would work. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Everything is as good or bad as our opinion makes it. ↗

— C.S. Lewis

#till-we-have-faces #inspirational

A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what I mean. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Do either a brick or a blanket have Buddha nature? The answer is yes and no and maybe, in a Triangle of Truth where there is no is, and there is no isn’t.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

If he wants me broken, then I will have to be whole. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#mockingjay #suzanne-collins #to-capitol #katniss