#t

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it. ↗

— Jay London

#cockroaches #convinced #diffused #i #military

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. ↗

— Jay London

#began #dog #free #getting #minutes

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world. ↗

— Jay London

#end #end of the world #explosions #having #i

At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you? ↗

— Jay London

#country #i #i wonder #leave #light

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out. ↗

— Jay London

#blunt #bought #father #i #instrument

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride. ↗

— Jay London

#cause #had #i #least #much

I saw a stationery store move. ↗

— Jay London

#move #saw #store

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road. ↗

— Jay London

#here #hugged #i #lonely #road

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time. ↗

— Jay London

#could #go #i #me #time

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings. ↗

— Jay London

#crabs #fishnet #girlfriend #her #i