#tar

EVERYTHING NOT FORBIDDEN IS COMPULSORY ↗

— T.H. White

#government #humor #totalitarianism #humor

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. ↗

— Steven Wright

#tarot #humor

I stood and walked around the desk so I could stand over him. Menacingly. Like Darth Vader, only with better lung capacity. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#star-wars #humor

The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#humor #vegetarian #food

A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch. ↗

— James Beard

#gourmet #her #like #looks #tart

His tiny, naked butt disappeared into the stream as he cried, "Wheeeee! Balls out!" I think that's a rugby reference," Bertie said. "But don't quote me on that. ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#humor #mustardseed #humor

He soon acquired the forlorn look that one sees in vegetarians. ↗

— Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

#vegetarianism #humor

Peaseblossom-decorous, proper Peaseblossom-dropped her trousers to waggle her naked, pale bottom at the Stage Manager. Bertie laughed involuntarily, choked on her coffee, and nearly died as it came out her nose, but it was worth the searing pain in her nostrils to see the look on the Stage Manager's face. ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#fairies #humor #humor

Maybe I didn't try as hard as I ought when he started calling you names. Serves him right, the nasty old turd. Punch him again, Moth" - Peaseblossom ↗

— Lisa Mantchev

#fairies #humor #humor

Okay is BURSTING with sensuality ↗

— John Green

#the-fault-in-our-stars #humor